i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
