had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Found your dick twin last night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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