I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
