On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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