i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
