go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
