Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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