Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
