ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
