I want to make a zoo with you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
