he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
