you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
