its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
