those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Bring me that man meat
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
