Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
