lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
