This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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