you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
