I think I died a long time ago.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
