Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
