she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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