I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
