And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
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This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
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this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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