I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
