That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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