My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
