Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
