Pappa wants mamma naked
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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