He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
