two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
