You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
