I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
