Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just pee around me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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