The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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