WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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