He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
