Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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