kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
