His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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