Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
