You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
