I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
