in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
