my being single is dangerous.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
