The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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