Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
