he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Someone shattered a urinal.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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