Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
