My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
