"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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