Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
