i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
