Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
