the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
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