Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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