I wish I could teleport
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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