when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
