she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
