It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's blow job season.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
