i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
