hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
