Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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