First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
