Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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