So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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